The Glory and Triumph of Mad King John Roberts
When King Ollie found me I was as far away from humanity as could be. Up in the mountains of West Virginia, alone in my cabin. My wife Barb and my daughter Jo Belle both left years back. Can't blame them. I got angry, cold, a puppet of rage on a thin gauge wire. They couldn't even rely on me for money anymore since the Bureau had me blacklisted. I was waiting around to die. Or... Well I still had favors owed in high places.
King Ollie's request though was an honorable mission. Rescue some folks, liberate the the wealth of the enemy, and destroy this big ol' walking fortress that was gonna smash his lovely country into bits and ends. For a little dog that King sure knew how to bark. I packed my kit and accompanied him. When we arrived it was the oddest collection of pipe hitters you've ever seen. A steak man that could fly, a bald wizard obsessed with dick jokes, a cyborg speaking like a warrior poet, and an honest to God viking. Magic didn't scare me anymore. I had seen what it did to those 27 people in Tuscon. It was about as complicated as a gun for the most part.
We broke into pairs for the gliders. I was paired with a man of the cloth, Ignatius. He was a strong, good humored man. Also happened to be burdened with command. I felt sorry for him. Even at the start of this op I knew it was going to be a boondoggle. Too many egos, too much magic, and the enemy was going to be a tough fuck. I'm not elected to give opinions on the mission so I checked my gear and climbed in. This glider was shoddy, definitely built by the lowest bidder. It seemed fastened together with resentment towards King Ollie's messed up junta-state. I said a prayer hoping to die fast.
Farandan trundled into view. From the first sight of its white-shining towers to the time we could see its tortured grimace took a few hours. Wizards always get the shakes man. All of them drumming their hands, whispering incantations: but all of them would scoff if you brought up luck.
We had very little luck as three snake dragons rose from the palace grounds. They were quick. Meatface went to body block some. Peenor lobbed rockets at another. It was bedlam in the air. Ignatius made a beeline for Thor's Hammer, the massive AA structure that I was going to blow to kingdom come. Before we could dive a group of worms assaulted us, digging into our flesh and injecting poison. I jumped out of the glider immediately with no real plan other than the hope that someone would scope me up as I had the bomb. Thor's Hammer flashed and a great bolt rocked the glider I was just on. I saw Ignatius bail out as Gav picked me up. They dropped me off at the tower as the chaos in the air continued.
Bulk Mulligan had ripped the wings off one of the beasts. The triumph turned sour as each dragon morphed into having more sickly insectoid features. The beast Bulk stood on sprouted the wings of a fly. Bulk continued to trade blows with the beast, dodging bites and chuckiing javelins. Bulk dispatched it with a thunderous throw. Peenor took down another with a terrifying cast of lighting from his shriveled up old man hands. And the third was brought to size by Meatface and his awe inspiring blows.
All the gliders made it onto the fort though some were so badly damaged they would surely not fly again. One team staged to assault the palace and another was headed up from the gardens. I rigged up the C4 and regrouped. Thor's hammer broke. It fell and tore apart the palace. It's massive sphere of magic cooking off, sending gold and gems sparking through the air. Glorious! Glorious! Now the team would storm the palace and find the hostages.
An old wizardly sort came from the palace with guards in ceramic plate and fire lances in tow. I wasn't gonna let him get a spell off so I unloaded an entire box of the SAW into him. Each bullet bounced off his old withered skin comically. I had told the crew I had a nuclear option item and I knew it was time to use it. I pulled out the red, brick cellphone and called up the King.
"What do you need?"
"There is a genie imprisoned, I think he should be freed."
The ring melted off the finger of the old man, who we knew to be Qamar(one of the VIPs we were supposed to save, he had been taken over by worms so was definitely a valid military target.) The genie broke free and forced his way into Qamar killing him instantly with the possession.
Everything made sense for me after that. I had to be king. I could make things right. The others lacked the vision Farandan needed to be used for GOOD. Using some of my new found guards I told them to attack Qamar.
Many of the others lost their minds. Wend took to throwing things instead of casting spells, Gav turned their swords against me! The entire party had lost their minds. Peenor fired a rocket at the genie-possessed Qamar. It blew off an arm in a juicy arc. The other hand went up and shot a bolt of lightning through Primavera Black, Peenor, and the Marquis. Primavera and the Marquis made it through the spell but Peenor was obliterated. The remaining rockets on his body blew away Primavera Black and the Marquis who both fell into smoldering chunks onto the ground. In the resulting chaos I turned my soldiers onto Gav to discipline them for attempted regicide. Some of the others fled, some attacked the Genie. I saw the Marquis breathing.
I ran over with my IFAK and tried to stabilize him. A court wizard indebted to the king would be a very valuable ally. I patched them up in the chaos of it all. And my first words were, " I have rescued you. You are my court wizard. Cast a powerful spell to kill the genie."
The Marquis struggled to move their remaining hand so I grabbed the stumps and guided him through the motion. A scorching bolt went across the fortress and obliterated the Genie.
A king should begin his reign with an act of justice and an act of kindness. Killing the genie was one of justice. The survivors were lavished with gifts from the palace treasury. In the following days I embraced the power of the worm to fully meld with Farandan. Out of a token of respect I steered the mighty fortress away from King Ollie's lands towards more deserving targets.
With my wizard and the body of Ignatius we will rebuild Farandan into a truly impressive nation of peace loving people.