Snakeskin Strutta's Sweet Success
Hard to get by in the Spokelands when you're hard up for gold. 1000 Statues got too hot. I heard that Tiramisu fella got run out on a rail by some fearsome robot. Fine by me, that pompous ass was trying to kill my friends. The Snakemen just wanted those creepy cultists dealt with and man did we deal with them. We killed so many cultists that day... Ah what a good score that was.
Blip had some trouble with a racist pyromancer. Pyorra or something. The bird's heart broke when her freak husband died to a falling coin. Man the shit she said was unthinkable, I'm relieved I am functionally illiterate and didn't know half of the scum she was spewing.
A bounty got set by the housing commission though. The deed to the place and all the treasure within... Kinda money that would make going back to the Statues easier, especially if Tiramisu came back around looking for trouble. I packed up my kit and bummed a train to Blip.
Our crew was comprised of:
- Gryndwel, some kind of magical knight who really seemed clumsy with a sword. Thankfully he didn't have to use it.
- Uale Xerive, some kinda office worker who cavorted with the undead. Deceptive through and through. A good asset.
- The Marquis, some malformed old wizard. Tentacles poked out from a mask he wore, he stunk of some strange spices, and he was very powerful. I'm glad he kept a calm head through it all.
- Ludwig Lazarus, an old hand at this kinda gig. Far off look in his eyes though, had seen shit, and that shit rearranged his mind.
- Pinball Pete, Steve, and The Magician shored us up. They were attached to the job. Didn't trust them from the jump. Impatience gets you killed or imprisoned.
Steve used his diamond pickaxe to break through the wall while we were still drawing up plans. Fucking imbecile. Considering an entrance had already been made we followed. Patrols were slow and I had a good chance to make a beeline for the balcony. I clambered up effortlessly and prepared a rope.
Her bedroom. Filled with all sorts of personal effects. Oddest of which was a knife and metal filings in the bed... The rest of us came up and we searched the room for any hints as to where she was. Coming up short and with only some treasure we begin to go down a hallway before someone pipes up we should check the "closet." I shrug and say be my guest. No shit there she was reading a TP USA magazine. Lazarus didn't think for more than a half second before a bolt of lightning came screaming outta his hands like the voice of god. Pyorra got flash fried.
Stunned at how quick this took we didn't even notice the automated delivery bot telling Lazarus he was the new owner of this villa. Lazarus didn't want it, none of us did either on account of the second team being sent later in the day to help with taking out Pyorra. So I told them to strip out everything valuable from the dungeon and we would make a hasty getaway.
Her attached volcano had a dragon in it who was her son. He seemed to understand his mom was a piece of work and wasn't too mad that we killed her. We asked him to scare the hell out of the next party.
Uale used his necromancy to make Pyorra as alive as she could be so we could stage a second "killing," we placed her in bed so the second team would think she was napping. I forged a letter using my book learning to its absolute limit. UNICEF is a funny word to spell.
The Marquis withered in front of our eyes and summoned forth some powerful entity. We instructed it to mislead and give the second group the run around. Gryndwel found a plaque that read "my chud son :(" and so we hung it on him to further confuse the second team.
The topic of treasure came up and since the hirelings didn't really do much we didn't want to pay them. They ran and we knew they would snitch. So the slug knights killed Pinball Pete and Steve. The Magician tried to use some magic door to whisk himself away, but the Marquis plucked it out of the air. We killed him too. Good riddance.
My take wasn't bad, a bunch of lucky quarters, a slingshot, a Glock 19 +1, and some other odds and ends. Over 40k gold as well. I think that the Spokelands have been awful good to me and I look forward to getting back to the 1000 Statues.